


Through Eyes of Starlight and Love

by Kitashi



Series: Through Eyes of Courts and Fate [15]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluffy Ending, No Smut, Spoilers, What kind of Rhys fic would this be if there wasn't swearing?, You Have Been Warned, because really, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitashi/pseuds/Kitashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys's POV of Feyre finding out about the mating bond, and the aftermath from Chapters 50-55 of A Court of Mist and Fury.</p><p>He had only had her best interests at heart; he didn't want to force her into something she didn't want. Now that it has blown up in spectacular fashion in his face, how does he fix it? </p><p>First, he has to find her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Eyes of Starlight and Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerEvilRoyalty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerEvilRoyalty/gifts).



> Hello everyone!
> 
> Here is the second Rhys fic, as promised! HerEvilRoyalty had requested this when I posted Through Eyes of Dreams and Deadly Grace, as I was working on my last fic, and it was just too good of an idea to wait on. This is actually the reason I didn't post Starlight and Nightmares sooner; I was having more fun writing this one because it was something new ^^;;; I hope it meets your expectations!
> 
> Also, disclaimer, for everyone who saw the summary and immediately went "SMUT 8D": sorry to disappoint, you will not find it here. Trust me, I do not have a talent for that lol
> 
> Even so, there is a lot of fluff in this, because these two needed something happy. And you can probably fill in some blanks at the end if you read ACOMAF ;D LOL
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this though, so I hope you feel the same reading it. Thank you all for your continued support! <3
> 
> In any case, as usual:
> 
> THIS CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR BOTH BOOKS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

She chucked a plant at me, showering me in soil.

“Chew on that.” I blinked at her, still half asleep and very weak. I picked it up. It was a pink weed I’d seen by the river before. I frowned at it, but plucked off a few leaves and started chewing on them.

They weren't the most awful thing I had tasted in nearly six hundred years. I grimaced as I swallowed. The aftertaste was something like mud, if mud could rot.

Feyre tore off her jacket, shoving up her sleeve as she grabbed a dagger from the pile of blankets next to me. Before I could protest, she drew the blade down her forearm, a long and deep cut that had blood welling up immediately.

“Drink this. _Now_.” Before I could make a move, she grabbed the back of my head and shoved it up to her arm.

I paused at the taste of her blood on my lips. The iron tang wasn't unpleasant, but strange. I tentatively sucked at it. One mouthful. Two. Three.

She yanked back her arm and shoved down her sleeve. I could feel a tingling of magic working, feeling a little better already.

“You don't get to ask questions,” she said shortly as I opened my mouth to do just that, her anger plain on her face. “You only get to answer them. And nothing more.”

I nodded, though I couldn't figure out what had changed since yesterday, when she had been treating me so carefully, removing ash spikes from my wings with as much care as she could, or even better, how she had slept next to me after… I stopped my thoughts there before I let myself get too excited. I bit off another of the awful tasting, but helpful, leaves.

“How long have you known that I'm your mate?” Feyre's voice was sharp.

I froze.

Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit.

I swallowed the leaves. “Feyre.”

“How long have you known that I'm your mate?”

I felt my blood run cold. This was _not_ how I planned for her to find out.

“You…you ensnared the Suriel?” It was the only way she could have figured it out so quickly. Feyre was smart, but this hadn't even been on her mind yesterday. She had already caught it once before; it was no surprise she would have tried to seek its wisdom again.

“I said you don't get to ask questions.”

“I suspected for a while,” I started, swallowing some more leaves. I could feel them working, and I was going to need all the energy I could get. “I knew for certain when Amarantha was killing you. And when we stood on the balcony Under the Mountain - right after we were freed, I _felt_ it snap into place between us. I think when you were Made, it…it heightened the smell of the bond. I looked at you then and the strength of it hit me like a blow.”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Feyre.”

_“When were you going to tell me?”_

“I don't know. I wanted to yesterday. Or whenever you’d noticed it wasn't just a bargain between us. I hoped you might realize when I took you to bed, and-”

“Do the others know?”

“Amren and Mor do. Azriel and Cassian suspect.”

Her face turned red, though out of embarrassment or anger, I couldn't tell. “Why didn't you tell me?”

Where could I begin? There were so many reasons. I finally settled on the biggest reason. “You were in love with him; you were going to marry him. And then you…you were enduring everything and it didn't feel right to tell you.”

“I deserved to know.”

“The other night you told me you wanted a distraction, you wanted _fun_. Not a mating bond. And not to someone like me - a mess.” That conversation after our visit to the Court of Nightmares still haunted me. After we played together so nicely in front of my Court, putting on a show that no one would question. After Mor’s sorry excuse for a father called her a whore and I lost it because she was my mate, even if she didn't know it. The look on her face told me she remembered it too, but it didn't sway her.

“You promised - you promised no secrets, no games. You _promised._ ” The look in her eyes was broken. The very thing I had tried to prevent by not telling her. It hurt my heart to watch.

“I know I did,” I said, feeling the effects of whatever was in her blood and that plant helping every second. “You think I didn't want to tell you? You think I liked hearing you wanted me only for amusement and release? You think it didn't drive me out of my mind so completely that those bastards shot me out of the sky because I was too busy wondering if I should just tell you, or wait - or maybe take whatever pieces that you offered me and be happy with it? Or maybe I should let you go so you don't have a lifetime of assassins and High Lords hunting you down for being with me?” I knew I was rambling now, but I was done keeping all this in. I needed her to understand why I did it.

“I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear you explain how you assumed that you knew best, that I couldn't handle it-”

“I didn't do that-” She was taking this all wrong.

“I don't want to hear you tell me that you decided I was to be kept in the dark while your friends knew, while you _all_ decided what was right for me-”

“Feyre-”

“Take me back to the Illyrian camp. Now.”

I started panicking. She had to understand. I started panting, barely able to breathe properly. “Please.” I was not above begging.

She stormed over to me and grabbed my hand roughly. “ _Take me back now.”_

If it was possible to feel your heart actually breaking in your chest, I could say with certainty that I knew what it felt like. She looked at me with such anger and distrust, and I knew nothing I said right now could fix it.

I summoned all my strength and threw it into winnowing us away.

~~

We slammed into the freezing mud outside of the stone house in the Illyrian camp. I’d been aiming for inside, but at this point I was just grateful we didn't hit the house.

Feyre pulled herself up and stormed towards the house.

“Feyre,” I pleaded. I tried to pick myself up, but I had used up all my strength. Cassian was suddenly next to me, his expression filled with worry, helping me up from the mud.

“I want you to take me somewhere far away,” I heard Feyre say. “Right now.” I looked up and could see she was talking to Mor. Mor looked between the two of us, biting her lip. I gave her a pleading look, begging her silently not to listen to Feyre's demands.

“Please,” Feyre said to her, her voice breaking.

“Feyre.” I let out a moan of pain. I had to stop her.

Mor looked at Feyre again, and grabbed her hand suddenly, winnowing them out of sight. I slipped in the mud again, nearly falling out of Cassian’s grip. I hung my head, my whole body feeling cold.

~~

“So, she's your mate,” said Cassian conversationally. It wasn't a question. I let out a groan and flopped my arm over my eyes. Despite Feyre’s blood and that awful plant, our crash landing had done a number on my progress. Cassian and Azriel had to carry me inside and help me clean the worst of the mud off. I now laid on my cot, my mind reeling with just how badly this had all gone.

Mor still hadn't returned to the camp, and I doubted Feyre would be back anytime soon… If she came back at all.

“Rhys, there are definitely worse people to be bonded to.” Cassian was still talking to me.  “She could hate you so much that she kicks you in the balls after riling you up and teasing you that she might be interested.” I lifted my arm enough to raise my eyebrow and give him a questioning look. His example was oddly specific. I made a mental note to get it out of him once I felt better.

Azriel walked into the room. I struggled to sit up.

“Save your strength, she's not here.” I slumped back onto my cot. He pulled up a small stool next to me.

“What happened?” He never was one to mince words.

“We were shot out of the sky by Hybern. Ash arrows. Lucien found us yesterday, trying to take her back to the Spring Court.” I heard Cassian growl. “I used a little magic to appear more like the Rhysand he expected...the High Lord of the Court of Nightmares...it must have been enough to give away our position. Feyre saved me, but there was some kind of poison on the arrows… She left to find a cure, and trapped the Suriel again. It seems it told her we were mates and she…didn't take it well.”

“From the look on her face when she left with Mor, I’d say that was an understatement,” quipped Cassian from the other side of the room. I threw a vulgar gesture at him, not in the mood.

“He's not wrong.” Mor walked into the room, looking troubled. I scrambled to sit up, even though my body was screaming in pain.

“Where is she?” I had to talk to her. I had to make this right.

Mor bit her lip. “I promised I wouldn't say.”

I snarled. “Tell me where she is.”

She looked at me defiantly. “You knew you were playing with fire when you chose not to tell her. Did you really think she would take well to being kept in the dark again?”

I tried to lunge at her, but Azriel held me back. With how weak I was, it didn't take much. Mor looked slightly surprised, but not scared.

“Don't _ever_ compare me to _him_ ,” I growled. I could feel my shadows creeping around me. It was taking more energy than I was used to having to expend to keep my real self under a glamour.

She looked me squarely. “Then don't act like him.” She walked out of the room. My shoulders slumped, and I winced in pain. Azriel helped me lay back down.

“You’ll get your chance Rhys,” said Cassian. “She can't stay away from you for too long.”

I mentally reached for the bond. It was faint; she was a good distance away, or somewhere that obscured her location. I relaxed slightly. Mor would never endanger Feyre. Wherever she brought her, she was safe.

I let out a sigh. “She'll stay away until she’s ready to talk. If she's not back in the next few days, I'm going to go look for her.”

Cassian looked at me worriedly. “But your-”

“I’ll be healed in a few days.” I gave him a lopsided grin. “Just because she hates me doesn't mean she would let me die.” I didn't know what was in her blood, but I was pretty sure it was the only reason I was alive right now.

“You're lucky she tolerates your ass,” he scoffed.

“If we're finished here, I’m going to see if I can't find some clues to what happened,” Azriel interrupted. “You said you were in the Steppes?” I nodded.

“We ended up near the river, in a nearby cave. That's all I know though.” Azriel nodded and left without another word.

“I’m going to go check on Mor,” Cassian said suddenly, and left before I could say anything else. Now it was just me.

I stared up at the ceiling. In hindsight, I knew this was all my fault. I knew how Feyre felt about secrets, especially ones that concerned her.

What if I had told her when the bond first snapped into place, when she had first been Made? Would she have been more accepting if I’d told her at the beginning?

I chuckled to myself at the thought. Feyre had ripped herself apart, body and soul, for Tamlin. I had done my job well to make her hate me, probably too well. It was her own unbreakable will that got her through the Trials Under the Mountain, not any one of us. I had been pining after her since I had first seen her hand painting in my dreams. And then since Calanmai…

I’d done nothing to endear myself to her. I’d let her believe the mask I wore Under the Mountain and in the Hewn City was who I really was. That I was not the Dreamer who sought peace for all of Prythian… But the monster of Nightmares. I’d expected this reaction; it was sensible, to listen to her instincts and run from me.

But then _he_ locked her up. And everything changed.

She had only just started to warm up to me, to the idea that my Inner Circle could be her family too. But she fit, like a piece of a puzzle we didn't know was missing.

And I had screwed that up royally.

I let out a sigh and felt down the bond again. She was sleeping, but that was all I could tell. Her shield was as strong as ever.

I put my arm over my eyes again, and let myself drift off. Once I was healed, I would go find her.

~~

It was agonizing waiting to be deemed well enough to leave my bed for extended periods of time. Azriel had found some of the pieces of arrow that Feyre had cut from my wings in his search, and had concluded they were coated in bloodbane poison. He made it very clear I was lucky to be alive, and that made me feel even more like shit than before.

It drove me crazy that I was being confined to my bed when I could be searching Feyre. Mor had made it clear each time I asked her that she wouldn't tell me, and only raised an eyebrow when I threatened to order her as her High Lord. And so I waited. And slept. And nagging their damned ears off until they stopped coming in altogether, and let me wallow in my bad mood in peace.

On the third day, I walked out into the camp, albeit a little stiffly from not having moved over the previous couple of days. Cassian and Azriel sat around the campfire eating breakfast.

“How are you feeling?” Azriel asked as I sat down. He was the only one I hadn't managed to piss off.

“A lot better. Thank you both,” I said sincerely. Cassian wordlessly handed me a plate of food; it was too early for any of us to be coherent, let alone social, but I took the gesture as Cassian telling me we were okay. We all ate in a comfortable silence. It reminded me of our days growing up in the camp, when my mother would make us breakfast before sending us to get our faces bashed in and limbs bruised in training. I knew they would have loved Feyre. I could imagine my mother taking her under her wing, quite literally, and helping her understand Prythian. I felt a twinge of sadness. Thinking about her and my sister still hurt, even after all this time.

“Mor!” I heard Cassian say suddenly, breaking the silence and my train of thought. I opened my mouth to ask her for the hundredth time where Feyre was, but she sent me a glare that made me think better of it. She took a plate of food from Azriel.

“I won't tell you where she is, but she probably will talk to you if you go to her,” she said, taking a bite of her food.

“And how am I supposed to talk to her if I don't know where she is?” I snapped. I was so done with these games. Mor glared at me.

“Well, if you would use your actual head for once instead of the one in your pants, maybe it won't be so difficult,” she snapped back. She stood up unceremoniously, taking her breakfast inside the house. I growled and ran a hand through my hair, feeling even more pissed off than I was before. Cassian shook his head, but continued eating his breakfast, having learned to keep his mouth shut during these exchanges between Mor and I. I laid my plate aside.

“I’ll be back.” I walked back towards the house before they could say anything to stop me.

Mor glared at me as I entered the room. I grabbed a rucksack and started shoving some food into it.

“What are you doing?” she asked after a moment.

“I don't want to lead Hybern to wherever she is hidden. So I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way. Regardless of her answer...I need to make this right.” I walked towards the door.

“Safe travels,” she said quietly. I turned back and nodded, giving her a small smile, and walked out the door.

Cassian and Azriel looked at my bag and gave me a questioning look.

“Protect the camp,” I said calmly. “I'm going to look for Feyre.”

Cassian raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue. Azriel nodded.

“Signal if you need anything,” he said simply. I nodded and took off.

~~

I was going to kill Mor.

I sat around a campfire in the woods near the mountains, exhausted. I had overextended myself, & my body was all too happy to let me know it. My wings were weary. I’d been flying all over the Night Court for nearly five days, trying to figure out where she would have brought Feyre. It shouldn't have taken this long. My food rations were almost out, and though I probably could have winnowed back to the camp for more, I would risk giving away our position to Hybern, if they actually were tracking my magic. I had to either find her, or plead with Mor again, and I _really_ didn't want to do the second one.

There were only so many places that were safe enough-

I groaned. Of course. There was only one place that was as safe as Velaris. I quickly put out the fire and took off into the cold night.

~~

The mountain cabin was easy to spot once I got past the enchantments that made it invisible to anyone not of my family. It was lit up inside, curls of smoke coming from the chimney. I landed in front of the door and raised my hand to knock...and froze.

What if she didn't want to talk to me? What if she slammed the door in my face? I shivered a little, the air outside colder than I had been expecting for early spring. I tucked my wings in tight around me, blocking out the worst of the wind.

It was a risk I was going to have to take. I knocked heavily on the door.

A few moments passed. Nothing. I knocked again, loudly. I leaned against the threshold of the door, with a sigh. At least I knew where she was. I could try again later-

The door suddenly flung open.

Feyre stood in the doorway. Her hair was wet, like she had just gotten out of a bath, a sweater and leggings clinging to her just perfectly. I could smell fresh paint in the air. My heart lept at the thought that she was painting again. I didn't deserve this beautiful creature, but I would spend eternity trying to make myself worthy if she’d let me.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, neither of us saying a word. If she slammed the door in my face or told me to leave, I would.

She stepped aside, and held the door open for me wordlessly. I felt a wave of relief wash over me, and from the look on Feyre’s face, she had felt it too. I took in the room around me.

The entire room had been painted with Feyre's artwork, the bright colors making the place feel more…alive. The fireplace, painted like Illyrian wings… Cassian and I were going to have fun gloating over that later. I suddenly caught sight of a pair of familiar eyes. And another. And another. And another.

My family's eyes had all been painted on the threshold to the bedroom hallway.

“Azriel, Mor, Amren, and Cassian,” I said, breaking the silence. “You know that one of them is going to paint a moustache under the eyes of whoever pisses them off that day.”

“Oh, Mor already promised to do that.” Feyre's voice was...amused. And content. Not at all how we parted.

“And what about my eyes?” I had noticed they were absent, but I didn't know if it was on purpose or not.

I could feel her nerves through the bond. “I was afraid to paint them.”

Okay, not the answer I was expecting. I turned towards her. “Why?”

“At first, because I was so mad at you for not telling me. Then because I was worried I’d like them too much and find that you...didn't feel the same. Then because I was scared that if I painted them, I’d start wishing you were here so much that I’d just stare at them all day. And it seemed like a pathetic way to spend my time.”

I felt my lips twitch. “Indeed.” I couldn't help but feel a satisfying pride that I had affected her so.

She glanced at the shut door. “You flew here.”

I nodded. “Mor wouldn't tell me where you’d gone, and there were only so many places that are as secure as this one. Since I didn't want our Hybern friends tracking me to you, I had to do it the old-fashioned way. It took…a while.”

“You're- better?”

“Healed completely. Quickly, considering the bloodbane. Thanks to you.” I stared at her trying to convey my feelings to her, but she looked away, avoiding my gaze and made her way towards the kitchen. “You must be hungry. I’ll heat something up.”

I froze, straightening up. “You’d- make me food?” I was floored. I wondered if she knew what she was doing, offering that.

“Heat,” she said. “I can't cook.”

I watched her dump a can of soup into a pan and light the burner, staying back a ways, in case I needed to make a hasty exit. “I don't know the rules,” she said, not looking at me. “So you need to explain them to me.”

I felt deflated for a moment, but suddenly realized that… maybe I could fix this. Honestly.

“It’s an… important moment when a female offers her mate food,” I said hoarsely. “It goes back to whatever beasts we were a long, long time ago. But it still matters. The first time matters. Some mated pairs will make an occasion of it- throwing a party just so the female can formally offer her mate food… That's usually done amongst the wealthy. But it means that the female… accepts the bond.” I told her the last part hesitantly, worried what her reaction would be.

She still didn't turn around. “Tell me the story- tell me everything.”

I was stunned. She wasn't rejecting it outright. I understood her offer: tell her the story, everything that had happened to get us to this moment, and she would decide if she offered me the food or not. It was a fair trade; more fair than I deserved. I walked up to the table and pulled up a chair, the legs scraping on the wood floor. I tried to think of where to begin. Finally, I spoke.

“I was captured during the War.”

~~

It took a long time to tell her my story. To tell her of my past, of the horrors I had experienced in my life and Under the Mountain, and of the light she had brought into my darkness. Or rather, how she complimented my darkness.

I knew I had to say it. “I didn't want you to think that everything I did was to win you, just to keep my lands safe. But I couldn't… I couldn't stop being around you, and loving you, and wanting you. I still can't stay away.”

I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding in, a leaned back in the chair, waiting for her response.

Slowly, she turned around, carrying a steaming bowl of soup.

She stopped in front of me.

“You love me?” she asked.

Love was an inadequate word for the depth of the feelings I had for her, but I nodded.

She set the bowl down in front of me.

“Then eat.”

I was floored. She was accepting it? Accepting…me?

Despite my shock, I ate the soup, every bite. Though it was probably very simple fare to most, it was the best tasting thing I’d ever eaten. When I was finished eating, I laid the spoon down.

“Aren't you going to say anything?” I asked. Feyre had been quiet the entire time I’d been eating, and it made me a little nervous still.

“I was going to tell you what I’d decided the moment I saw you on the threshold.”

I twisted in my seat towards her, confused. If I was understanding her right… That meant she had made her decision even before I told her my story. “And now?”

To my surprise and delight, she sat in my lap. I held her waist, steadying her.

“And now, I want you to know, Rhysand, that I love you. I want you to know…” I could feel my lip trembling and a tear sliding down my cheek. She brushed it away.

“I want you to know,” she whispered, “that I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belongs to you. And I am honored - _honored_ to be your mate.”

I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my forehead to her shoulder as she ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't believe this was happening. I had told her once that I was the villain of this story, the dark lord who had kidnapped the bride of Spring and would lose to the golden prince who had done nothing except not die of stupidity and arrogance. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that maybe, just maybe, I would have a happy ending.

“I love you,” she said again. “And I’d endure every second of it over again so I could find you. And if war comes, we’ll face it. Together. I won't let them take me from you. And I won't let them take you from me, either.”

I looked up at her, feeling the wetness of the tears I hadn't managed to hold back on my cheeks. She kissed away my tears, feather light. And as she pulled away, she said two words I had most wanted to hear come from her lips: “You're mine.”

I shuddered, still not fully believing this was real. But I kissed her, gently. The way I had always wanted to, ever since I had first seen her in my dreams, since I first saw her in person at Calanmai. My mate.

And as I deepened the kiss and showed her exactly what she meant to me, all the things I had dreamed of with her…

I knelt in front of her, on the tattoos of the mountains and stars.

My queen. My equal.

My love.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! All comments and suggestions are welcome, & if you have a POV/scene you would really like to see, please let me know! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Update 6/19/16:
> 
> Hey everyone! I have a writing Tumblr now! If anyone is interested in talking and discussing ACOTAR, ACOMAF, or giving suggestions/asking questions, I can be found at http://kitashiwrites.tumblr.com.
> 
> Hope to see you there!


End file.
